thoughts

i've been thinking about lots of jiberish these days and i really dislike me thinking about them. it is a distraction and doesn't benefit me at all

one thing that was on my mind was what'll happen when i actually go back to my home country.

is it scary?

would people still accept me as i am?

will i still be able to have my friends back or would they ignore me?

would they befriend me because of my family or just to make me not feel bad even though they dislike my presence, just like a few years back?

would i be able to accept the fact that i'm not part of their life or fellowship anymore?

will i admit that i'm not the center of the world?

i'm sure that i would be really behind on whatever's going on on the other side of the world. i will not fit in and i don't need to. i pray that i would not be selfish. i'll try to cooperate and spend my limited time there wisely.

i still feel like the people i wanted to see most would reject me. i don't want that to happen. i want to be able to keep my memories of them beautiful. i do.