While I'm Still Alive

03 January 2012

A Picture A Memory

This is a scenery from Tana WaterFront taken with my phone..the colours turned out nicer than I thought :) So that day, my mom decided that she isnt cooking supper and we went to Shoprite supermarket to get some stock for our kitchen..

16 December 2011

ChristmasDrawing

Every Christmas, this memory of mine replays:

Our church has organized a Christmas party about 4 or 5 years ago. One of the activities is to have a Christmas creative drawing contest. The theme is Christmas tree.

As weird as I am, I decided to draw a palm tree instead of a typical xx tree (yikes...I forgot the name...). the reason I drew a palm tree (with decorations that is) is because I thought since this is a creative drawing contest, different is not a bad thing. Second of all, I thought westerners probably uses pine trees because that’s what grows there and so I decided that using palm tree is not a dumb idea since it grows easily where I live.

I didn’t win the contest. I wasn’t planning on winning. I came for the fun of it. Professional kid artists who aren’t from our church came just for the contest. Which, by the way, is not a bad thing, at least they came. BTW, my palm tree kinda looks like the one on the right..with decorations :D

So, the thing that kept coming back to my mind is this. After the award ceremony, we walked around the presentation board where all our art work was posted. All the other contestants’ drawings were great compare to mine. I wasn’t an artist, still ain’t one now. The thing that just hurt me was the comments that people gave my drawing.

What is this person thinking? A palm tree? Really? Everybody knows that Christmas trees are pine trees.

And when people asks me which one is mine, I shyly pointed my drawing to them. I was so ashamed of myself.

And their response were…

Oohh, that very..erm… creative..(meaning different) and walked away quickly. I’ve always wondered, was it because my dad was the pastor of the church that they said it?

Why wouldn’t I had just drawn a pine tree instead? But till today, I still liked my idea of a palm tree. What if the Christmas tree was a palm tree in the beginning and I drew a pine tree as a Christmas tree? Would the comments still be the same?

I hope after this I will be proud of my own “masterpiece” and forget about the second part if this story. I haven’t in the past years. I need to change..

Do you have any Christmas memories that you want to share?

14 December 2011

thoughts

i've been thinking about lots of jiberish these days and i really dislike me thinking about them. it is a distraction and doesn't benefit me at all

one thing that was on my mind was what'll happen when i actually go back to my home country.

is it scary?

would people still accept me as i am?

will i still be able to have my friends back or would they ignore me?

would they befriend me because of my family or just to make me not feel bad even though they dislike my presence, just like a few years back?

would i be able to accept the fact that i'm not part of their life or fellowship anymore?

will i admit that i'm not the center of the world?

i'm sure that i would be really behind on whatever's going on on the other side of the world. i will not fit in and i don't need to. i pray that i would not be selfish. i'll try to cooperate and spend my limited time there wisely.

i still feel like the people i wanted to see most would reject me. i don't want that to happen. i want to be able to keep my memories of them beautiful. i do.